The joy of (UN) sex

The UN has a controversial new guide to sex education. I’m not sure what a UN guide to sex involves, but after more than one research grant experience (and witnessing friends with local NGOs), I have a pretty good guess.

United Nations: “Hi handsome. Would you like to have sex with me?”

Me: Sure.

UN: Oh wait. Hang on a minute.

Me: OK.

UN: We’re updating our internal copulation guidelines. We’ll have sex in a moment.

Me: Ready and waiting.

UN: Um, I forgot to fill out the right forms, so there may be further delays. By the way, can you send me your latest CV?

Me: Uh, okay.

[…]

Me: Are you still there? Why aren’t you returning my phone calls?

UN: Sorry, we were on vacation in July and August. I promise to start the approval process this afternoon.

Me: Start the process? I thought we started last year?

UN: Good news. We have approval for sex from my supervisor. But there’s an accountant in Bangladesh with some questions. And he’s on vacation for September and October.

Me: You do realize I’ve said no to three other international organizations while waiting for you?

UN: Thanks for waiting. We’re ready now. But we’ve reorganized around here and now you’ll actually have to romance my sister, UNDP. Can you be done in 10 minutes?

Me: I am so out of here.

[Months pass]

United Nations: “Hi darling. Would you like to have sex with me?”