The UN has a controversial new guide to sex education. I’m not sure what a UN guide to sex involves, but after more than one research grant experience (and witnessing friends with local NGOs), I have a pretty good guess.
United Nations: “Hi handsome. Would you like to have sex with me?”
UN: Oh wait. Hang on a minute.
UN: We’re updating our internal copulation guidelines. We’ll have sex in a moment.
Me: Ready and waiting.
UN: Um, I forgot to fill out the right forms, so there may be further delays. By the way, can you send me your latest CV?
Me: Uh, okay.
Me: Are you still there? Why aren’t you returning my phone calls?
UN: Sorry, we were on vacation in July and August. I promise to start the approval process this afternoon.
Me: Start the process? I thought we started last year?
UN: Good news. We have approval for sex from my supervisor. But there’s an accountant in Bangladesh with some questions. And he’s on vacation for September and October.
Me: You do realize I’ve said no to three other international organizations while waiting for you?
UN: Thanks for waiting. We’re ready now. But we’ve reorganized around here and now you’ll actually have to romance my sister, UNDP. Can you be done in 10 minutes?
Me: I am so out of here.
United Nations: “Hi darling. Would you like to have sex with me?”