Chris Blattman

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Part superstar, part broken man

Responding to my post suggesting that war violence provokes empowerment and activism as much as trauma and misery, an anonymous reader shares his own experience:

I think the answer is something of both.

I served in Southern Lebanon as a member of the IDF, and saw my share of the violence that is a part of everyday life there.

In the ten years since I left active duty, I have dealt with numerous issues relating to the violence which I was exposed to and which I committed.

From frequent nightmares to self-destructive and anti-social behaviors there is no question that the process of adjusting back into society was long and hard for me.

I still often feel that I cannot relate openly and honestly with the vast majority of people I engage with socially and in my relationships it is a particular frustration.

The feeling that those you love could not understand let alone accept what you went through and what you did is quite alienating.

I consider myself fortunate to have had friends who were willing to be there for me without having to understand or rationalize what I was going through.

That said, combat was a powerful experience for me in many positive ways, I went into the service a young arrogant schmuck and came out a driven and engaged man.

Sure I lost my innocence and many of my ideals along the way but I also gained a sense of purpose. I accepted that my time on this planet was short, ultimately out of my control and all I could do was to focus myself on getting the most out of each moment, and string those moments together until I had something resembling a worthwhile life.

It is, in all honesty, I process I continue to struggle with, although by most measures I am a productive member of society.

I am currently an executive working in technology, I own my own home and save for the mortgage am debt free. I vote and spend a good deal of my time volunteering in a variety of ways.

I had a conversation recently with a young woman in which she commented on how together I seemed to be and how much I gave to those around me, saying “Wow, you’re a good person” I simply shrugged and replied, “No, I just have more to make up for than most”

And that is often how I feel, part superstar, part broken man. I suspect that coping with my actions and experiences will consume many of my thoughts for the rest of my life, but all one can do is be thankful for what who we have in our lives, put one foot in front of the other and repeat as necessary.

One Response

  1. The key is that he (and I) lost our ideals. The biggest thing that most westerners experience in war is that the world is not what we thought it was. There is little other than war that can so totally strip someone of what they “thought was the case”.

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